The shit hits the fan...
It had been a few months of me "watching" this lump in my left breast. I had convinced myself the same thing was on the right side. Next month it was that my period was making my breast extra lumpy, excuses, excuses. Then I had a friend go in for a call back Mammogram and that was what ultimately got me to ask Clay to feel it. Under normal circumstances he would be thrilled that I was asking him to touch me. This time, however, he was in total shock and insisted that I go to have it checked out by my OB.The next Friday I was in for my first check and was given the news that it was classified as non-suspicious. No worries but must have diagnostic Mammo & Ultrasound. I was expecting an easy appt. where they would say yeah it's no big deal, just a cyst etc. and instead got the "In a normal breast" speech. Now I am freaking out because they've asked for me to come back the next day for a biopsy. Well crap, this is serious. The Dr. says, "Well either it's cancer or it's not"...Really? Not likin' those odds very much! Run to car, sob to Clay on phone. Go in next day, they squeezed me in and I waited for three hours. Get the ultrasound machine going and then they harpooned me like Free Willy and it hurt. Didn't like this one bit. They took three samples. Came home with a ice pack filled jog bra. The next day the OB calls with the preliminary results that it is cancer. Who can guess which four letter expletive I used at that exact moment? I'll give you a clue it starts with an "F" and there was never a point in my life when it was totally more appropriate to use it!! After I dried the tears, I sprang into immediate action and picked my surgeon and scheduled a Tuesday appt. after labor day. We made it through the long weekend with the help of close friends and family support!! Kim Leonard, who many of you know just as my high school friend who had breast cancer has become a trusted advisor to my whole family. I told her that because of her constant reminders to do self exams I was one of the lucky ones to catch this early. She is totally a rock star and a total inspiration to me right now. To think that something bad in your life can turn into something so positive is just plain beautiful.
Hi Julie. I've been wanting to call you and am so glad that you are doing this. I love your wit and humor and so wish that the circumstances were better for me to read it. I have a couple questions regarding the lump you found. Was it hard/soft? Did it move? Could you see it or just feel it? Dr's always say to check and but it's hard to tell what's normal and what's not. Did the lump hurt? XOXO
ReplyDeleteHi Susie-
ReplyDeleteIt is a soft-ish lump, kinda like a grape went down the wrong tube and ended up at the 12 o'clock position of my left breast. It doesn't move from that position. It does not hurt usually but really hurt after the biopsy. Currently I am suffering from psychosomatic symptoms that my tumor burns and is on fire but then I laugh at myself for being goofy and clean-up breakfast :). Other than that no other symptoms. I have been doing regular exams for 5 years since my friend was diagnosed. You become familiar with what should be in there and how it should feel and then really know when something doesn't belong...Remember that Sesame Street song "Which of these things is not like the other"...Kind of think about that :)
Thanks for the info! You are so tough and I love how your humor still shines even in hard times. Once you have beat this you really should look into writing a book. I will be thinking of you and checking your blog constantly. If you ever need help with any of the girls give me a call, we are usually home with Nick Jr.
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