BOObs

Happy Halloween! My title: "BOObs" is the best I could do wrapping in the holiday and my current situation. Hope it works for you. I laughed, but I laugh at pretty much anything. This morning, we (Grace, Chloe, Jane & I) tried to get Clay to watch iCarly. This is THE only kid's show that does not throw me into fits of rage. Most Disney/Nickelodeon shows are so mundane they literally drive parents crazy! So, iCarly, on more than one occasion, has made me laugh and I don't grab the remote and turn it off immediately. So in our world where "family" means sitting in front of the TV, we gathered to watch iCarly. Mind you, I watched this episode last night and yet here I am laughing out loud and Clay thinks I have gone mad. I really do have the sense of humor of a 12 year old. It was the new episode where Jane Lynch (Sue Sylvester to the Gleeks out there) portrays Sam's mom, Pam. Very funny stuff. It is one of the few shows that I am not squirming in my seat because of inappropriateness. The Office, Glee, Outsourced etc. are just not all that kid friendly and Clay and I are continually "clearing our throats" over the sex talk!!

Entertainment Weekly, I am not so let's talk chemo: I had the first treatment on Tuesday and much to my surprise, I handled it pretty well. My imagination surely got the best of me here. I was so worried and it was for naught! I had little symptoms throughout the week, a headache here, tiredness there, some stomach issues to only further my comedic episodes in the bathroom. Overall though, Chemo was not as big as I had built it up to be. Thanks to Laura who commented on the blog, you really calmed me the day before chemo! Isn't it great that a friend of a friend, can lend her support even though we don't know each other. Thank you!!

I have 2 more weeks until my next round. I'll be creeping in the hair loss zone soon.

Happy Trick-or-Treating to all of the ghosts and goblins and to the moms who steal Milky Ways from their kids when they are not looking.....

1/4 of the way there...1 down, 3 to go!!

I had my first treatment today. I must admit yesterday was harder than today. For those who called and left messages yesterday, sorry I didn't answer or reply. I had a super busy weekend (on purpose) and it got the best of me. We went to the Bears game on Sunday...if it could even be called that and it really kicked the shit out of me. I was so tired and out of sorts on Monday morning and was beaten down by anticipation so I just didn't feel like talking, I know...surprise, surprise! Thank you all for reaching out to me, I could feel the support and that made today all the better! I tolerated all the drugs they gave me and it was so much less dramatic than I anticipated. Thanks to the entertainment chairman, Clay, for providing me with lots of distractions. I had to turn off "The Hangover" that we were watching on Clay's iPad, in fear that we were laughing too loud/too much. I bet the nurses liked that!

I have started a little headache and popped some motrin but feel relatively decent. I am waiting for the other foot to drop as days 2 & 3 are the hardest. I plan on taking it slow, reading and getting caught up on Friday Night Lights which we are 1/2 way through. Love that show!! The girls keep reporting to me on my "green status" Either I am turning into an Ogre or I just started the side effects of chemo.

Love to you all! Snuggle with your babies/spouses/significant others and tell them how much you love them. Right now!!

Cheese fries in paradise

I had two follow-up appointments this week. First we saw Dr. Winchester the breast surgeon on Tuesday. All is good. He was very pleased with the surgery and with the pathology. My biggest complaint for him was that I have this "tendon" coming out of my armpit down towards my elbow, it sticks out, it hurts and it is limiting my range of motion. I, of course, had to scour the internet for answers. I think a lot of jilted, unhappy patients post on the internet and I got scared out of my mind. Readings things like: you'll have this forever, may even need more surgery, pain, pain and more pain. Where are all the happy people? Dr. Winchester explained that it is "cording" and will go away with time. This is where my lymph nodes were taken out and my body is just reacting this way...kind of like scar tissue. Great! I like that answer far better then the others I saw! I will see him in 6 months and then once a year probably for awhile.

Last night we took the whole clan up to Kenilworth for a trip to Homer's and the plastic surgeon's...isn't that what all families do on their outings? First, I will rave about Homer's. Sure the ice cream is delicious, that's a given...let's talk about the less infamous cheese fries. They are "old school" using a Merkt's type cheese that is thick, tangy and delightful (none of this stadium nacho cheese for my fries). Clay & I were reminiscing about Doc J's cheese fries down at U of I!! So, I almost passed on real food and just had the fries. This will, of course, end in more trips to the plastic surgeon's...ha! The appointment was good with Dr. Fenner as well. He took out a majority my stitches and gave me some silicone strips to cover the scars to help healing. He said wearing a bra 24/7 is "really helping" the shaping, I feel like I'm in under wire prison but am willing to do the time!! I asked him about my cording and he recommended a lymphatic massage to loosen it up...love a doctor who writes a prescription for a massage!! Sign me up!

Countdown to chemo...5 days!! Check out the new do...

Tour de Chemo

Wednesday afternoon Clay & I visited the office of Hinsdale Hematology and Oncology. It is 7 minutes from our house and we were overjoyed to be so close! We spent an hour with a very nice nurse who basically walked us through the entire process of chemo and what I will go through at each appointment. The problem is that every person reacts so differently to chemo that everything she said was qualified with a maybe or maybe not. I will just assume "yes" to all of the common questions: tried? sick? hair loss? etc... and be happy if I pass on one from the buffet of side effects! The first treatment is scheduled for Tuesday, October 26th and this will set the baseline for the following three treatments. They want to see how quick I recover and how sick I feel and then will react in the subsequent appointments. This is a good example of I need to put on my "Big girl" panties and suck it up for the first time. Then at the next appointment they can treat me accordingly. I learned a couple of interesting things:

1. I will not need a port. I will do a regular IV since this is considered a short treatment (4 rounds)

2. They inject you anti-nausea medicine before the actual chemo drugs are inserted.

3. Anti-nausea can cause you to be agitated, so they give you ativan, a Valium type drug, to calm you down after treatments. And I was moody before - jeez. Highs and lows, buckle up folks, this will be some ride!

4. Hair loss is coming. I am preparing for this and will be surprised if I keep any of it. You cannot color your hair during chemo...Is there NO justice in the world? So I will be going in for one last color treatment and a shorty haircut this weekend. I guess after it falls out, I'll have no hair left to color anyway. Let's keep our fingers crossed that it comes back with no gray this time :)

Life is moving along and I am healing slowly but surely. I am excited to be driving and off all medications. Sometimes when I am lying down perfectly still, I actually feel normal. It's brief but it brings me a sliver of hope that I will return to my "normal" normal which is still somewhat askew!! I'll post a picture of the new 'do! I am looking forward to a fun weekend with my brother, Bob, who is in visiting this weekend!! Enjoy this beautiful fall weather!

Chemo...all the cool kids are doing it!

Grace & I saw this shirt and she asked if she could get it IF I had to do chemo. Well, we have an answer. Yes, I will do chemo and even better, I'll get the shirt. I am certainly not going to stop the fight now and why would I stop the laughter too. Isn't that a ridiculous message though...peer pressure, defiance, totally irreverent... sounds right up my alley!

The Hafner family took a trip to the city on Thursday . We took the kids out of school a wee bit early for a night of fun...a visit with a Northwestern Oncologist, dinner in the city, playing at Millennium park...I didn't necessarily rank them in order of fun! We met with Dr. Claudia Tellez and she recommended the same exact treatment that our local Dr. in Hinsdale did. To quote my mom, "Why would drive to city to get a diet coke if you can get the same diet coke in Hinsdale?" Exactly. I will stay local and make it easier on myself and my friends and family and will be starting treatments with Dr. Sweet the last week of October. This will be right about when I start to feel good after the mastectomy. Ahh perfect :) I will be on the following regimen: 4 Rounds of "TC" chemo every 3 weeks followed by 5 years of the estrogen blocking pill Tamoxifen. Bring it on...the sooner the better, let's get this shit over with and put behind us. How lucky that I have an easy to diagnose, easy to treat case (knock on wood). I thank my lucky stars everyday for the following:

1. Family, friends, well wishers & prayers

2. Smart people willing to go through all the extra schooling to become doctors/nurses. They are saving my life right now.

3. Researchers who sit behind microscopes day after day learning about the personalities of cancer and working hard to find a cure.

4. No housework, dishes or laundry. So this is what it feels like to be a man. HA, HA! Just a joke Clay...you helped out a lot before this and are doing totally awesome now that it's all up to you!

5. The best time to be going through this is October. Everywhere, everyone rocking the pink! I love it! Especially being downtown Chicago: The" Whatchu Talkin' about Willis" Tower, Trump tower, Blue Cross Building all illuminating pink in the skyline!

Perfect time for a reminder...do your self exams, each month same time and early detection means longer lives!! Have a beautiful weekend!

Oh sweet freedom!

Yes, it's true I've be sprung from the joint...I mean from the drains and I like it! Isn't it funny how sometimes we over analyze things so much. OK, maybe it's just me obsessing over these tubes jump roping out my sides. I was so worked up about the drains and told Clay if they weren't taken out last night, I would be reduced to a puddle of tears. So, we waited for a loooonnnnggg time to get into the room and Dr. Fenner comes in "glances" at the meticulous notes I've taken and goes to the cabinet to get his scissors out to cut the tubes out. What? No argument or need for persuasion? I've had all of my arguments ready and didn't even need them! Thanks for the warning Kim, that was a hugely unpleasant experience but the end result was so nice. Baby steps, my friends, baby steps. Am I still uncomfortable? Yes! Just not as much as before :)

Clay and I did a "two-a-day" on Wednesday and had our first visit with an oncologist plus the follow-up with the plastic surgeon. I was so drained (no pun intended)by the end of the day. I felt like a newborn baby who was just plain overstimulated and couldn't settle down. I couldn't fall asleep for the life of me. Anyway, sleep obviously came and went and now I face a new day and another oncology appointment. The end result of the first meeting is chemo is on the menu for me. When you start looking at percentages of your survival rate, I know I am most comfortable with the smallest number possible. I will get second and maybe even a third opinion on this yet, I am pretty convinced that this is Cancer 101 and my Doctor said like this was a textbook, uncomplicated situation...and thank God for that.

I was thrown, by what Clay calls an "non-issue", that my grade of tumor was upgraded from a 1 to a 2 Grade. I think it was upgraded after surgery and for some reason this news really bothered me. I am still Stage 1 but now a grade 2. I researched a bit and found this info on tumor staging. I'm guessing that it was based on my tumor size 1.8cm. I'll ask for some clarification on that.

http://www.breastcancer.org/symptoms/path_report/the_cancer/grade.jsp

On a ligher note- Here is an example of life with Julie & Clay at an oncologist appointment:

Dr. Sweet is about to draw a diagram explaining estrogen-receptors and asks us, "Have you ever had chemistry?"

Clay responds, "Yes, many years ago"

I am puzzled/pissed and ask, "What are you talking about? Many years ago. What?"

I thought he was asking about "physical chemistry", you know, between Clay & I and I'm rather peeved that Clay said yeah, many years ago! I look like a huge dork. Which makes us all laugh. Of course he means "Chemistry" as in the class that I barely passed because I was down in the cafeteria eating chocolate long johns!

Unless something major changes, I'll probably be starting chemo a month after surgery- basically in two weeks. Time to get my G.I. Jane haircut in preparation for the battle of my life! (Not too dramatic, huh?)

Life on the horizon

It's kind of like the first buds of spring...you see them and excitedly know that so much good is ahead. I had a few of these "first bud" moments over the weekend.

1. I took my first shower. Alone. Granted I didn't do my hair, I went for a wash & blow dry at my salon (Hello luxury!) but it was just me and my music. In typical Julie fashion, I ran the hot water then went into the closet to change out of my jammies and forgot, of course, that there are drains safety pinned to them. As I untangle this mess, I grab the drains in my hand and book it into the shower. On the way though my drain tubing caught on the doorknob of the bathroom causing me to jerk backwards in pure physical comedy bit. Why? Why is it that even alone I can crack myself up and do some of the most ridiculous things. I guess that's just who I am. I ended up saying prayers of thanks because what am I going to do if this drain that is stitched in to me gets ripped out? I've got enough on my plate right now, thanks though!

2. I went out. Yes, of my house, with clothes on. Big news. I've enjoyed watching the surprise when people see me out and about. They must think I'm nuts. I guess the image people have of someone post-op from a double mastectomy is not this. I'd think the same way, you think laid up, nurses on staff, haze of pain meds and all that. Instead you resume normal activity pretty quickly. I believe that the pajama wearing, laying around bit gets old and stale and almost plays upon itself to being miserable. I'm out and distracted and just hoping my drains don't fall out of my hoodie. I even watched a jr.pommers performance Friday and 3 soccer games Saturday morning. That's a feat even in the best of health. Sadly though, I was unable to attend my friends, Dave & Stacy's, wedding in Tucson, AZ this weekend. I thought of them often and of my high school friends kickin' it old school on the dance floor. But I certainly would've have a drain malfunction had I participated in that. It wasn't meant to be!

3. Food. I love it and it has been an oddly absent from my life the past few weeks. It may have been the stress and, if not that, the vicodin that really wiped out the appetite. It was so different for me. I love to eat and not wanting to eat anything was very foreign to me. But I am back and although I can't reach the treats now, I have goals for the future.

4. How bout the NFL rockin the pink all month long. I just teared up at the "Crucial catch" introduction of the Bears/Giants game. Early detection and more birthdays. Yeah, that means more cake :)

Once again, I am truly blessed to have this wonderful support team behind me. My mother passed the baton on Thursday to Clay's mom, Peg, who left today. These two super Grandmas have managed my household, kids, homework, meals & no small feat...the laundry. My dad even picked up the dog poop, without being asked. In a house with two large labs, that's huge!! "It takes a village" only scratches the surface. I'll give you an update after the plastic surgeon's follow-up on Wednesday...praying hard the drains come out and maybe I can start driving again.