The Season of Thanks

I went for my blood counts this morning and once again they were very low. The nurse consulted with Dr. Sweet who agreed I needed a shot of Nupogen. This is a white blood cell booster and should help me immediately. I will go back on Thursday for another count and possibly another shot. This should keep me on track for my third and fourth treatments. After the next round on 12/7, I may go back into the office for a shot of Neulasta which is a longer lasting type of white cell booster. All of this is to prevent infection which is very hard to overcome when you don't have many white blood cells!

I also got the news from the geneticist that I am not a carrier of the BRAC 1 or 2 gene. This is great news. My breast cancer was a random act of cell division! Yeah, I guess!

I am no longer bald. I have grown lots of little white hairs that resemble peach fuzz. I am just so excited to have something on my head that can create a nice lather in the shower. I am pretty sure this will all fall out again maybe when I start growing real hair after treatment #4!

For the most part I am feeling good. I have 2-3 really tired days after treatment and then I am back to life and being a busy mom!

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving last week. Here is a short list of a few things I am thankful for:

*Endorphins. I had my first run last week. I did it! It wasn't all that bad either. I did get to experience a little "runner's high" that I've been missing. It's crazy that the body can totally heal in 8 weeks!

*Massage. I had my first massage, yes I even laid on my stomach. Clay & I celebrated our 13th anniversary on the 29th and went to the Kohler Waters Spa in Burr Ridge and dinner at Topaz. What a perfect way to spend our anniversary!! I loved every second of it. For those locals, The Kohler spa is one of the best spas I've been to!! (Montage, Laguna Beach is #1).

*Zumba. Jen is the perfect antidote to my chemo. I love being there. I have been back for a month and it is awesome. Loved the Cee Lo/Glee song :)

*Laughter. We laughed so freakin' hard at Thanksgiving during our annual 7-11 game. I thought isn't this the medicine there is!!

*Santa's elves: Lisa, Melinda, Jean & Kelly showed up to decorate my house for Christmas on Saturday. Can you even fathom how awesome this was for me. Clay got the decorations down from the attic and these magical elves decorated my whole house, the tree, the outside, brought wreaths, cookies, candy etc. Can't imagine a better gift you could give.

There is so much more to be thankful for but I'm saving up for my post-chemo tear jerker blog!!

Thanks for reading :) Only 25 days until Christmas...

Half way there...

I finished my second round of chemo yesterday and am now half way done. So far so good. I had a little episode during the taxotere drip, which is very common in the first or second treatment. Basically I couldn't breathe and my chest felt tight and my face was red. I mumbled...get..Linda (my nurse) and then started ringing my bell for help. Another nurse saw me first and ran on over. She stopped the taxotere and I took saline for 20 more minutes then the restarted the taxotere and I was fine. What the, what the? That was scary but I felt fine very quickly afterwards. Just when you think you know what to expect - surprise! I will go in 10 days to have my white blood cell count and if needed will be given a shot of neulasta to help build up my white blood cells. I am scheduled to go in on Dec. 7. for my third treatment.

"I am having a No hair day" this is the latest t-shirt Grace wants to buy for me and it couldn't be any more true! So, I was down to a #1 blade on Sunday night looking like a mottled sick cat on Monday. The girls came home from school and I was modeling a beautiful scarf my husband surprised me with. When I took the scarf off, they were pretty grossed out. Grace said, "Mom you need to shave. I'll even do it for you." Isn't that love? Clay was working late and wasn't there to do it so instead of shaving, the girls got the idea to "lint roll" my head. They were taking so much hair off with each roll I knew a shave was in my future. They took turns beautifully and would request a "clean"sheet with the pass of the roller. After about 6-8 sheets of tape, I showered and was literally rubbing the hair off my scalp. With perfect timing, Clay came home and shaved what was left, with no guard on and then got the mach3 blade out and shaved me bald. He comment that not many men get to do this, he is in a small but very respected group of men right now. So totally bald...think it would be sad, freaky, gross? Actually I was so happy to get rid of all the hair, it was hurting, looked terrible and came as a total relief! Bring on the hats & scarves!

I picked Jane up from Kindergarten yesterday and she gets in the car and says "Please don't take your hat off." I told her, "Of course I wouldn't. I would scar so many children, mine included." I intend to have a covered bald head until mid-February when I may be looking like a chia pet! Won't that be exciting! For now it's fun gathering a wardrobe of scarves and bandanas. My hardest situation was for working out. Don't think I want to wear a sweaty scarf so I asked clay about an under armour skull cap like the football players wear. He laughed and asked if I'd be wear breathe-rights too! I got one and it doesn't look so bad underneath a baseball cap but alone it looks like a swim cap. Bet the Zumba girls would love to see me in a swim cap dancing all crazy. So there are my options!

Thanks to all who have been praying, it is helping and I am feeling good and anxious to get to the finish line that will be here quicker than we think!!

Well THAT was short-lived.

You couldn't imagine the changes from Thursday night until Sunday night. My #3 shave was failing me. There was hair everywhere. On my coat, on my shirt, the couch etc. "Master Clipper" Clay took me down to a #1 shave which is what he is sporting. First of all....wow is that short! Second, after my shower I wasn't even a #1 anymore, more like a #.5 scattered with #1 and a little skin. Imagine a globe if you will, Chloe will love this since she was just studying world geography, that is now my head. There are bald spots like the oceans and the patches of hair here and there are the continents. I think I'll quiz the girls tonight :) So it is on! Big time! Time to wear the hats 24/7. I slept in my "sleeping cap" last night and have to say it kept my noggin nice and toasty and also collected a boat load of hair while I slept. More bang for my buck: Sleep cap/hair collector. I am just hoping the paparazzi will not photograph me through the windows because I plan on hanging out at home...bald and proud! Enter at your own risk :)

I got the following from a family friend, thanks Mrs. Bach! I shared it with my girls and they all got a kick out of it and have repeated it to me! I want to share it with you:

Attitude

There once was a woman who woke up one morning, looked in the mirror,

and noticed she had only three hairs on her head.

'Well,' she said, 'I think I'll braid my hair today.'

So she did and she had a wonderful day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror

and saw that she had only two hairs on her head.

'H-M-M,' she said, 'I think I'll part my hair down the middle today.'

So she did and she had a grand day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed

that she had only one hair on her head.

'Well,' she said, 'today I'm going to wear my hair in a pony tail.'

So she did, and she had a fun, fun day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and

noticed that there wasn't a single hair on her head.

'YAY!' she exclaimed. 'I don't have to fix my hair today!'

Attitude is everything.

Who needs hair anyway?

You'll see the new buzz cut on the slideshow to the right. As predicted with great accuracy, on day 14, I started losing my hair. If I wasn't so utterly fascinated by it, I would have been freaked out. I was able to grab small and large amounts and literally remove them from my head. In fact, I believe I freaked a few people out with my new "party trick". After two days of this and some really gross shower episodes, I knew the shave was imminent! Lucky for me, Clay, my younger brother Jim & Dad all shaved with me. I went first and Clay shaved me to a #3, then he went next and shaved to a #1 and then Jim went bad ass bald. First shaved to the scalp and then with shaving cream a razor! My Dad was so inspired by Jim that my mom shaved him as well! We think he looks like Bryan Cranston from Breaking Bad. This is only a problem if my Dad starts cooking meth in the basement :) I told Jim he needs to play this "shaved to support my sister who has breast cancer" card and pick up some chicks!! It was a really liberating feeling to be freed from hair that was falling out. I explained to the girls that this is a good sign that the medicine is working hard in my body. Quite honestly I'd be worried if it didn't fall out! They seem to have adjusted well and can be found rubbing my head throughout the day! Maybe it'll bring them good luck, like a buddha. I'm scheduled for Round 2 (ding ding) on Tuesday.

Wigs & fun!

I tried on wigs this week. Yes, I did. I have been unsure how I want to handle the hair loss and have hemmed and hawed about actually doing it. I literally pulled into the parking lot on a total whim. I was with my mom and the girls and I thought let's just see what is out there. It is a nice shop with lots of hats, scarves and wigs. I was able to get a consult and the 5 of us piled into a room where a nice lady brought me wigs and tried them on me. There were laughs a plenty and some pretty cute styles and some 70's farrah styles. I bought a sleeping cap (Clay in his 'kercheif and I in my "cap") ha ha! I can't seem to get that out of my head. I guess your head gets cold when there isn't a lot of hair on it so you sleep with this little cap...interesting. I am in limbo a bit and want to be as prepared as possible for the hair coming out. I am at day 10 and anytime between day 14 & 21 or after my 2nd treatment, it's a probability. As soon as it starts coming out, I am going to shave to a #3 and then I'll be making wig decisions. For my college friends, it must seem a no-brainer for me to sport some baseball caps as I wore one for most of my U of I/Kam's career! Maybe that was just foreshadowing :) So I have a lot of caps ready for some action. I have no idea how I will feel when the time does come.

Thursday I went to have my cording massaged away. I was warned that this may be unpleasant and unpleasant it was. I have NEVER experienced pain like this (hello, epidurals!) my goodness, I was gritting my teeth and kicking my feet. Who knew that scar tissue in your armpit could cause such a fuss. I bet skinning me with a razor blade would've been more pleasant. OK, maybe not. The bummer is I can't even tell if it helped because I am so sore today. I was having decent range of motion and now I feel like I took two steps backwards. Boo Hoo, I am bummed and the worst is, I may have to go back for more ancient Chinese torture next week. I may have to Valium up for that trip!!

Had a check in at the Oncologists today and found out that my blood counts are low. While they didn't do anything because I am setting my "baseline", they may give me some medicine to help the white blood cells rebound quicker next time. Hopefully by my next treatment the numbers will be up so I can actually get treatment!

On a final and funny note...I took a bath this week. My back has been hurting. I thought it was just because my implants were heavier than my old ones but I found out I have "Wounded wing syndrome". I am over using my shoulders and arms to protect my chest. This causes tension and pain in the upper back and neck. Anyway, I am soaking in the tub and Chloe comes in and asks, "When are you gonna get your circles put on?" I explained that they were actually called pepperonis and then we both laughed. Then I told her the truth and that sometime after chemo I'd have nipples made and aereolas tattooed on so that I'd look as close to normal as possible. She then said, "Don't get pointy nipples". Good advice Chloe, I will not get pointy nipples!